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Sometimes it's important to remember painful things.

remember how it felt
remember the dizziness
the clumsiness
remember your heart beating out of your chest
remembering staggering to the bathroom, trying to make yourself throw up
but you couldn't
thinking: "the one day chase ducket food doesn't make me nasueous?"
remember the unbearable heat
remember knowing several correct responses to this situation but instead lying down in bed
because everything else took too much effort
remember feeling like it was right
but wrong
remember lying in a bed and laughing maniacally when the head of counseling introduces herself
thinking: "you're a little late, aren't you?"
remember needles
and IVs
and more needles
remember the sticky sweet, bitter taste of charcoal as you suck it through a straw like it's a vanilla milkshake
thinking: "couldn't someone create something beautiful with this instead?"
but it serves its purpose, keeping the poison from spreading to your organs
remember being escorted to the bathroom and looking at your reflection in the mirror
head freshly shaved, grimaced lips stained black
thinking: "when did I turn into a zombie?"
remember trying desperately to slow your heartbeat
analyzing every single minuscule change in the machines connected to you
even though none of the numbers made sense
they just made you feel like a robot
remember refusing to sleep despite the oppressing fatigue
because you know as soon as your eyes close they would shove a tube down your throat
and you would wake alone
and afraid
like the dog Kim had to put down on Keeping Up With The Kardashians
because it was all the nurses watched.