Chill

chill

really?

do we need a fucking translator now?

totally chill, even

wow. Just wow

you don't say chill. You people don't say it.

I taught you that word, you crazy hooker!

I taught you that word when you REJECTED ME.

do you remember?

I was drunk.

there were people there, why oh why didn’t I wait until we were alone

now I’ll have to see them

and I’ll know and they’ll know

and shit

ANYWAY

you said

"thanks, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now."

as if I'd know what that meant.

as if I wouldn't read a million things into it.

I can't turn my feelings off like a light switch.

my emotional stratosphere is a dimmer

and right now I'm basking in some sort of mood lighting where we're either going to fuck

or commit murder and I’m still deciding

I said, “hey, you know, whatever. It’s chill.”

like you weren’t the first girl I’ve ever been remotely attracted to

like you weren’t the first girl I’ve ever asked out

the first person I’ve ever asked out

but whatever

It’s chill

I’m from the west coast

we don’t get upset

we ride the wave out like the straggly-haired surfers in California

Isn’t that how you think of me?

but I’m from Seattle, remember?

we’re flannel and Jimi Hendrix and coffee shops and grunge and green

green trees

you guys might have the fall with your

reds and oranges

but we’ve got the green, and it’s like the motherfucking meadow in twilight

only better

and less of a cultural cliché

I’m not from California, baby.

If you’re going to stereotype me, could you at least get it right?

but hey, it’s chill

I just chill

but jesus you were adorable.

you smiled, repeated it after me

so pleased with yourself

baby’s first west coast slang

“chill.”

testing it out on your tongue

It’s fun to say, isn’t it?

gotta lick your top teeth for it to come out juuuust right.

all the while my brain was screaming run for it you dumb drunken bitch, this is called rejection, we RUN FROM THIS

but something else, maybe my heart, maybe the vodka and ginger beer I was drinking

because you were drinking it

but I felt like a proud papa, helping you take your first steps

Into an exciting trans-coastal world

you want me to teach you some more?

reject me again

and we’ll see where things go

because I wouldn’t mind being rejected by you

just to see your face light up like that again