Mirrors

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

When I was sixteen I used to stare at myself in my bathroom mirror and imagine cutting off long slices of extraneous flesh and fat
Wrapping them up in butcher paper and selling them to French chefs to fry in clarified butter and oil
I'd have to cauterize the wounds with a hot iron but they would leave my belly and limbs flat as a chopping block

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Real women have curves
But how can that be true when you are realer than anyone I've ever known
Acute angles and edges softened only by the bangs skimming over your narrowed eyes like a satisfied feline
And when you stand beside me and I breathe in, I cannot deny your reality
You're like some fragrant vanilla-scented ghost come to haunt my waking hours
You linger on my skin the way you do in my mind

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Something repulsive
A monster
A creature so horrific that it evokes such a visceral response as vomiting up brunch, even though that pumpkin bread was the best you'd ever had
With the taste of fall and self-loathing on your tongue, you hide from mirrors because they tell you the prettiest and the cruelest lies you can't help but believe

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

If I could sit beside you every minute of every day and tame your fear of mirrors, I would
We could master them together, brown and hazel eyes glaring into the void and silencing the malicious whispers that live inside your head
You'd see yourself as I see you, as we all see you, a creature so wonderful and rare and perfect as to be kept safe, and whole, and near to us
Not alone with clammy hands and toilet bowls and noxious fumes
Hating yourself for getting to this point, when you had done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the punishment you inflict on yourself for the crimes you attribute to your own weakness
Don't be a martyr for your hate
Please

What do you see when you look in the mirror?